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    Very much fancy packaging and label, with actual Sharpie Pen autograph by your humble servant. You will enjoy and have something to hold in your two lotus hands also. Meanwhile you are singing along, and lyrics are helpfully included online, on this page if you need them but you will not. Hare Krishna.

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about

When I first became devotee of Krishna my family was very much displeased. They thought I was joining cult. They told me the Hare Krishna people are very bad, and I should just go back to being normal sinful person like them. So my first week living in temple they tried many times to extract me from lotus feet of Krishna consciousness. This is my story.

lyrics

On the first day of Krishna my UNCLE offered me
A job pumping gas in Black Sea

On the second day of Krishna my GRANDPA sent to me
Monkey On A Stick and A job pumping gas in Black Sea

On the third day of Krishna my grandma sent to me
Three HOMEMADE PIEROGI, Monkey On A Stick and A job pumping gas in Black Sea

On the fourth day of Krishna my father offered me
Four year college tuition, Three HOMEMADE PIEROGI, Monkey On A Stick and A job pumping gas in Black Sea

On the fifth day of Krishna my mother's calling me
All day THE telephone rings
Four year college tuition, Three HOMEMADE PIEROGI, Monkey On A Stick and A job pumping gas in Black Sea

On the sixth day of Krishna my old friends sent to me
Six pack of Pepsi, All day the telephone rings
Four year college tuition, three HOMEMADE PIEROGI, Monkey On A Stick and A job pumping gas in Black Sea
On the seventh day of Krishna one old girlfriend wrote to me
She is seven months expecting, Six-pack of Pepsi, All day the telephone rings
Four year college tuition, three HOMEMADE PIEROGI, Monkey On A Stick and A job pumping gas in Black Sea
On the eighth day of Krishna my whole family sent to me

Attempt at deprogramming, seven months expecting, Six-pack of Pepsi, All day the telephone rings
Four year college tuition, three HOMEMADE PIEROGI, Monkey On A Stick and A job pumping gas in Black Sea

On the ninth day of Krishna my temple president told me,
"Um, bhakta Igor Prabhu, Hare Krishna. Your family is very much attached to you. But we do not want to find out what they are sending tomorrow. So you should go pacify them. Simply you visit for two minutes and then come back. Do not preach to them. Just be nice. Do not preach."
I said "OK Prabhu I will do as you say."

So on the next day of Krishna I explained my family:

Eighteen chapters Gita, Sixteen rounds of japa, Fifteen Sanskrit vowels
Fourteen planetary systems, Thirteen tilak markings, Twelve Bhagavatam cantos
Eleven zonal acharyas, Ten zonal acharyas, Brand new guru system
Ten-offenses for avoiding, Nine limbs of bhakti, Eight principal gopis
Seven-islands of Bhu Mandala, Six Goswamis' teachings
Five features of the Absolute Truth, Four regulative principles
No more threefold misery, Two lotus feet And I am not pumping gas in Black Sea.

credits

from Christmas is. . .Not on Vaishnava Calendar, released December 13, 2013

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Yama Niyama Dasa Brahmachari

Yama Niyama Dasa Brahmachari is insignificant servant of devotees of Lord. Our humble mission: to remind everyone that human life is meant for the spiritual pursuit. Other pursuit is simply for the animal. Oh, and we are all going to die even though soul is eternal, so no point in trying to so-called "enjoy" this world. YNDB came from very low-class background which he does not like to discuss. ... more

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