Christmas is. . .Not on Vaishnava Calendar

by Yama Niyama Dasa Brahmachari

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winston j. smith
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winston j. smith better than mel tormé Favorite track: Chopping Down the Coniferous Tree.
tricia wolff-keaton
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tricia wolff-keaton Do I have to pick JUST ONE?! Simply Hell because I work retail. But the entire album is GREAT!!!!! Favorite track: Simply Hell.
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    Very much fancy packaging and label, with actual Sharpie Pen autograph by your humble servant. You will enjoy and have something to hold in your two lotus hands also. Meanwhile you are singing along, and lyrics are helpfully included online, on this page if you need them but you will not. Hare Krishna.

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1.
01:42
Dashing through your life, in a less than animal way You do whatever you like, eating nonsense shrimp buffet Too many cocktail drinks, and you get into one fight What fun it is to ride to the emergency room tonight. Oh, Simply hell, Simply hell This world is dangerous place It is no fun to have to die in a million painful ways oh Simply hell, Simply hell That is simply what it is It is folly to be wise man where the ignorance is bliss Christmas time is here. Homicide is on the rise They live such sinful life, it is not so big surprise They pray for peace on earth And they fight like dog and cat Singing bhajan to the snowman What would Jesus say about that? Oh simply hell, simply hell This world is miserable place Oh what fun it is to punch thy neighbor in the face, Oh, Simply hell, simply hell That is simply what it is It is foolish to be wise man where the ignorance is bliss.
2.
Rudolph the red-faced materialist Working very hard like ass He's never asking why it is I should be working very hard like ass All of his friends are mudha They like to go to football game Rudolph is number one rascal His friends are pretty much the same Then some Krishna devotees On sankirtan one day Said Rudolph with your face so red You should simply shave your head Then he became so angry Chasing them with hunting knife Rudolph the red-faced materialist You'll go down to hellish life.
3.
Sex Is All (deck the halls) Demons in the Age of Kali manda su manda matayoh Have no reason to be jolly kaler dosha nidhe rajan Always fighting over nothing krodha bhavati sammohah Knocking out each others' stuffing dhiras tatra na muhyati sex is all that keeps them going srama eva hi kevalam And they don't know where they're going pravrittim ca nivrittim ca when we give them good direction sarva dharman parityaja they have nothing but objection na mam duskritinoh mudha Christmastime means we're all freezing sitosna sukha duhka da Every other breath, we're sneezing janma mrtyu jara vyadhi Adhidaivika, adhyatmika, misery, misery, misery Material life is not so pleasing. Duhka doshanu darshana sarva dharman parityaja
4.
You better watch out, You are going to die Get serious now. I'm telling you why Yamaraja is coming to town He's making a list, Punishing sin Milk and cookies Will not pacify him Yamaraja is coming to town He knows what you've been doing But he may give you one break If you become pure devotee He will not feed you to the snakes So surrender to Lord, Follow four rules You don't want to swim In the River of Stool Yamaraja is coming to town Oh, the boiling oil is waiting For the too much lusty man He will find out Iron Maiden Is not just name of band Don't be eaten alive By the jackals and hounds Chant attentively All of your rounds. Yamaraja is coming to town They will throw you to the ruru That is what Fifth Canto said So listen to your guru And go back to Godhead.
5.
Frosty the Nondevotee He did not believe in soul He was always sad and totally mad from lack of sense control Frosty the nondevotee Less intelligent as can be Because he thought like this: that Krishna is Just the same as you and me. There must have been no purport in the Gita that he found 'cause when he finished reading he did not start chanting rounds. Oh, Frosty the nondevotee he never once did pray He was so advanced at removing pants He'll take birth as dog someday. Chumpity chump chump, chumpity chump chump He is simply fool Lumpity lump lump lumpity lump lump Chasing the lumps of stool.
6.
A Visit From Lord Jagannath, Baladeva and Subhadra Devi By Yama Niyama dasa Brahmacari, the duly initiated disciple of His Holiness His Holiness Bhakti Mayapur Mahaprabhu Maha-Mantra Maharaja 'Twas the day of Rathayatra, and all through the town All the rascals were wasting time, hanging around They were smoking and drinking and styling their hair They did not know that Lord Jagannath soon would be there The posters were hung on the telephone poles Saying, "free food and music" to attract fallen souls All devotees in dhotis and Prabhupada hats Were going to give mercy to all the dogs and the cats We made chariots so tall they were scraping the sky In hopes that the demons would all curl up and die Prasadam was coming in trucks down the road So we could feed all the karmis until they explode We took over the park and blocked off all the streets We were ready to pelt them with peanuts and sweets Police force was there with the nightsticks and guns Behaving like actual ksatriyas for once We told them if someone attacks this parade You can beat them until they require first aid When finally chariots are ready to roll We blow all the conchshells and say Hari bol. The nondevotees had never seen such a sight They passed stool and urine and trembled in fright The kirtan was roaring like hundred jet planes Screaming and shouting calling out holy names: "Jaya Jagannath, Jaya Baladeva, Jaya Subhadra Devi Jaya Prabhupada, Jaya harinama, jaya assembled devotees" We smashed whompers together so eardrums would shatter And even deaf persons would say, "What is the matter?" Lord Jagannath smiled in His gigantic way He is going to Kurukshetra for picnic today He rolled down the street with His sankirtana army Destroying the karma of all of the karmis Two hundred new bhaktas shaved up on the spot With the battery-powered hair buzzer we brought We put blazing fresh tilak on forehead and nose And said go take prasad now sit down in rows We piled up gulab jamuns high on their plates Until their eyeballs were rolling in big figure eights They ate mountains of curd and an ocean of broth No one said a word except "Jaya Jagannath!" Then what to their wondering eyes did appear But the bucket brigade of sweet rice and kheer More rapid than fire hose they poured down the gullet Causing instant effulgence to shine from the mullet They lay down on the left side with prasadam filled belly And shook when they laughed like haribol full of jelly They all fell asleep then and there in the park And would not even wake up when we left after dark The police when they found them there early next morning Said OK go home now we are giving you warning The brand new devotees with their freshly shaved heads With great difficulty got up from flower beds They chanted and danced in military procession The next generation of disciplic succession Everyone heard them sing in big Vaishnava choir, "Hare Krishna to all, and you all are in, maya!"
7.
Believe there is God You should believe there is God Believe there is God. Of course He is there whether you believe or not. Believe there is God You should believe there is God Believe there is God. You're simply animal if you do not. How I wish you would chant Hare Krishna, How I wish you would chant Hare Krishna, How I wish you would chant Hare Krishna, And learn the Bhagavatam by heart. Believe there is God You should believe there is God Believe there is God. You're simply animal if you do not. Believe there is God You should believe there is God You would believe there is God, if you read any book by Srila Prabhupada. How I wish you would chant Hare Krishna, How I wish you would chant Hare Krishna, How I wish you would chant Hare Krishna, And learn the Bhagavatam by heart.
8.
In front of the altar I do pause Krishna is dressed as Santa Claus Who is treating Lord this way? Like department store display? No,no,no. it cannot be so. No,no,no. it cannot be so. This type of nonsense makes me sick Supreme Lord is not Saint Nick. Up on the altar causing me pain Reindeer, sleigh and candy cane Christmas tree surrounded by toys Is this the way, the Lord enjoys? No no no it cannot be so No no no it cannot be so Such speculation is not even funny Next they will dress Lord as Easter Bunny
9.
You will never see brahmajyoti If you badmouth the Lord's devotee No, instead the place you will go It never snows, never snows, never snows. You may think you are so insightful But your heart is simply spiteful You think heaven is where you will go I don't think so, don't think so, don't think so. May you finally take one break From all the blaspheming you do Or I hope you like the Shake and Bake They are waiting to shake and bake you Your bhakti lata will go in toilet Because your aparadha will spoil it You will be most literally toast You'll be toast (x 3) If you kindly take my advice You will have less explaining to do But if you simply cannot be nice How I would hate to be you. Even great sage like Durvasa Had to run from Sudarshana Chakra Let us see how fast you can go Better go, better go, better go.
10.
On the first day of Krishna my UNCLE offered me A job pumping gas in Black Sea On the second day of Krishna my GRANDPA sent to me Monkey On A Stick and A job pumping gas in Black Sea On the third day of Krishna my grandma sent to me Three HOMEMADE PIEROGI, Monkey On A Stick and A job pumping gas in Black Sea On the fourth day of Krishna my father offered me Four year college tuition, Three HOMEMADE PIEROGI, Monkey On A Stick and A job pumping gas in Black Sea On the fifth day of Krishna my mother's calling me All day THE telephone rings Four year college tuition, Three HOMEMADE PIEROGI, Monkey On A Stick and A job pumping gas in Black Sea On the sixth day of Krishna my old friends sent to me Six pack of Pepsi, All day the telephone rings Four year college tuition, three HOMEMADE PIEROGI, Monkey On A Stick and A job pumping gas in Black Sea On the seventh day of Krishna one old girlfriend wrote to me She is seven months expecting, Six-pack of Pepsi, All day the telephone rings Four year college tuition, three HOMEMADE PIEROGI, Monkey On A Stick and A job pumping gas in Black Sea On the eighth day of Krishna my whole family sent to me Attempt at deprogramming, seven months expecting, Six-pack of Pepsi, All day the telephone rings Four year college tuition, three HOMEMADE PIEROGI, Monkey On A Stick and A job pumping gas in Black Sea On the ninth day of Krishna my temple president told me, "Um, bhakta Igor Prabhu, Hare Krishna. Your family is very much attached to you. But we do not want to find out what they are sending tomorrow. So you should go pacify them. Simply you visit for two minutes and then come back. Do not preach to them. Just be nice. Do not preach." I said "OK Prabhu I will do as you say." So on the next day of Krishna I explained my family: Eighteen chapters Gita, Sixteen rounds of japa, Fifteen Sanskrit vowels Fourteen planetary systems, Thirteen tilak markings, Twelve Bhagavatam cantos Eleven zonal acharyas, Ten zonal acharyas, Brand new guru system Ten-offenses for avoiding, Nine limbs of bhakti, Eight principal gopis Seven-islands of Bhu Mandala, Six Goswamis' teachings Five features of the Absolute Truth, Four regulative principles No more threefold misery, Two lotus feet And I am not pumping gas in Black Sea.
11.
Chopping down coniferous tree Such cruel, unusual thing Killing the helpless entity On which to hang their bling. Chopping down coniferous tree They don't even know why they do Senseless violence annually Since fourteen seventy-two. You may have some sentimental condition yes indeed If half-dead plant is making you jolly That is called the age of Kali Chopping down coniferous tree When did Jesus say you should do? Where in the scripture specifically Does Lord ask tree from you? You must have some transcendental vision if you see Benefit in hanging tinsel When the whole thing is simply whimsical Chopping down coniferous tree Then you simply throw in the street You should be worshiping Tulasi devi And Krishna's lotus feet.
12.
Have a brahmachari Christmas Keep your program very austere Sleep six hours and take cold showers Simply chant and hear Have a brahmachari Christmas Go for chanting on the street Say Haribol to all fallen soul As they go for eating meat All in saffron we will go The Sam Kirtan Army Making every rascal take one First Canto Part Three Have a brahmachari Christmas Keep your head so shiny and clean Better safe than sari have a brahmachari Christmas You know what I mean. Have a brahmachari Christmas Santa Claus is not worshiped here This life is for meditating on Lord Not fat old man with beard No, no, no mistletoe Forget about that please Don't even dream about Talking to matajis Have a brahmachari Christmas Like my temple president said Keep it in your pants and you'll have a better chance of Going back to Godhead.
13.
Here comes the time of death Here comes the time of death What does time of death mean? Soul is changing clothes and going into brand new machine Never mind that you are president, black white skinny or fat Ugly, beautiful, stupid, smart; the time of death changes all that Here comes the time of death Here comes the time of death Fearful to the brain Now is chance to chant and dance so you don't take birth again Service to the Lord is carried forward no diminution or loss Time of death takes everything else like opposite of Santa Claus. Here comes the time of death Here comes the time of death Closer every day It is not some dream which anti-aging cream can make go-away So much precious time they're wasting all for saving this skin Only Krishna's name can save you from predicament you are in Oh? What is that? It is Harinam sankirtan party? Oh haribol! Here comes sankirtan, here comes sankirtan Right down sankirtan lane Giving bliss to the devotees and causing demons pain We don't care for rascal public They're all crazy insane Krishna comes in Kali-yuga as the holy name. Here comes sankirtan here comes sankirtan
14.
Chapatis puffing on the propane fire Subji cooking on the stove Vaishnava bhajan playing through the amplifier Radha Madhava enjoying in the groves Every devotee knows If you don't go to Bhagavatam class And fail to chant your sixteen rounds You-will-make-such-advancement in becoming like ass You will find it hard to keep any vows. The time of death is going to come someday What-happens then depends on what you do today Don't waste another life trying to sense gratify Or you'll take birth again and simply have to cry And so I'm offering the bhoga now Why don't you sweep the temple room? May Lord Govinda who gives pleasure to the cows be Very merciful to you. [BV:] Kalki avatar is on His way He's going to kill the rascals who refuse to pray [LV:] So do not let this lifetime pass you by And then take birth again as dog or cat . . . .or fly And so we are going out on sankirtan Just Like Chaitanya-Mahaprabhu He says you should chant all the time every place so Hare Krishna Hare Krishna to you.

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released December 13, 2013

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Yama Niyama Dasa Brahmachari

Yama Niyama Dasa Brahmachari is insignificant servant of devotees of Lord. Our humble mission: to remind everyone that human life is meant for the spiritual pursuit. Other pursuit is simply for the animal. Oh, and we are all going to die even though soul is eternal, so no point in trying to so-called "enjoy" this world. YNDB came from very low-class background which he does not like to discuss. ... more

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