Life On A Fast Day

by Yama Niyama Dasa Brahmachari

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about

Devotees always ask me, "Yama Niyama Dasa Brahmachari, you are so bubbly and upbeat and positive! Is there anything at all that does not make you happy?" and of course the answer is, "Yes. Fasting."
When I first came to temple I said, "I want to join your movement. When is Breakfast and what rules must I follow?"
Devotees told me, "Okay. Devotional life means no mating, no sleeping, no defending, and no eating the meat, fish or eggs."
To which I replied, "But what about the chicken?"
They said, "No. It has eggs in it."
I thought, "These people do not eat anything cookable!" But they gave me such incredible prasadam I thought I had gone to the Heaven.
Then, one terrible day, I came for the breakfast and there was no such thing! They told me, "Oh, no breakfast today, Bhakta Igor. Today is fast day."
I said, "What is that?"
They said, "Fasting means no eating."
I said, "Wait one minute; first you tell me 'do not eat anything cookable,' then you say 'eat only prasadam'—which is like magic carpet ride for the senses—but now you are pulling carpet away? I am like ravenous cloud with no position in any sphere! What am I supposed to do?"
"Chant sixty-four rounds." I do not remember what happened next. They say I passed out and woke up chewing on the beads.
Then I found out some fasting days are "half-day," some are "fast until the sunset," some are "fast until the moonrise," "fasting until the Dusk," or even, "fasting today in observance of special event tomorrow"; it is so confusing, especially when there is not one carbohydrate left in the brain.
One such day—after fasting for eighteen hours—I came for the noon prasadam, but it was not there! One devotee told me, "Oh, Prabhu, ha ha ha! We are fasting until Vedic Noon, which is not until one thirty! Ha Ha ha!"
I said, "Oh, now you must call the police, because in next ninety minutes I may do some very terrible things."
But fortunately now, in our temple, we cut through all the confusion. On any fast day, we make announcement at morning program—no matter what kind of fast day it is—we say, "Today is Such and Such; fasting until Death." Because when you are prepared to fast until the Death, fasting until Vedic Noon is piece of cake (Or buckwheat cake if it is Ekadasi). Sometimes new devotees take announcement too literally but no problem; they all go back to the Godhead.
So I wrote one song about it, called Life On A Fast Day. I know you will like it, so you can show your appreciation by giving me one dollar, for which I will send you personal note of thanks. If you hate me and want me to starve to the death, then do not send one dollar, and I will not send note of thanks.

lyrics

Life on a Fast Day

I was brand new devotee, it was Janmastami day
And I was terminally starving
I had to eat or else I would go insane, my stomach was
Growling, it was practically barking
I was hypoglycemic, in a very bad mood,
My mind became ruthless, thinking "how to find some food?"
I could not wait for midnight. By then I would be dead.
Visions of gulab jamuns were dancing in my head and it was

Life on a fast day
Surely make you lose your mind
Life on a fast day, Oh, yes.

Eager for sweet rice, mad for the feast
They said to help out in the kitchen. That did not help me in the least.
They threw me out for salivating on the cutting board. They said,
"Take your snout outside. You're spoiling bhoga of the Lord."
I made so many visit to the charanamrita stand
It took seven strong pujaris to get the spoon out of my hand
I began hallucinating-one bar of soap became sandesh
I thought one tilak ball was laddhu, although maybe not so fresh and it was

Life on a fast day
Surely make you lose your mind
Life on a fast day, Oh, yes.
Life on a fast day—Check the time all the time.
Life on a fast day

Crazy from hunger, blinded by thirst,
I thought this day would be so great. I had never felt worse
I even ate one tube of toothpaste just to keep from blacking out
I frightened one devotee; I was foaming at the mouth.
I told my Bhakta Leader, "I think I'm going to bloop!" He said,
"Drink a little water. Pretend it is soup." I said,
"Why is Krishna trying to kill me? I thought He was my friend!"
He said, "Chant your japa. It is only six a.m."

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released November 6, 2018

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Yama Niyama Dasa Brahmachari

Yama Niyama Dasa Brahmachari is insignificant servant of devotees of Lord. Our humble mission: to remind everyone that human life is meant for the spiritual pursuit. Other pursuit is simply for the animal. Oh, and we are all going to die even though soul is eternal, so no point in trying to so-called "enjoy" this world. YNDB came from very low-class background which he does not like to discuss. ... more

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